Excuses, Excuses

Got this in an e-mail I am still cracking up over some of these. Wow!

NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND....
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe .

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover..

22.. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

Ramblings of Little Red

Last night we had Little Ceaser's pizza for dinner. Seriously, you can't beat a $5 meal with a stick. I got pepperoni even though I can't stand those lil buggers. I just take 'em off and give them to Mr. Sass or the dogs. No biggie. When Little Red saw his slice of pie, he immediately freaked out shrieking "I don't wike macaronis!" At first I was confused, then I realized he was talking about the pepperonis. Ha!

We went to my sister Becca's graduation lunch at church yesterday. As soon as LR saw the balloons and decorations, he proclaimed "Dis is a party!" He ran around so full of himself looking cute as can be. He did not want to leave and repeatedly has asked to go back to church so he can party. He might be slightly confused.

We are headed to Puerto Rico on Friday. I am beyond excited. Little Red can't wait to get on the airplane. He wants to go RIGHT NOW. I totally understand where he is coming from. Patience isn't our best virtue, but we're working on it. So much laundry and packing to do and not enough time to do it all. Somehow, I'm sure we'll manage, though.

Save The Drama For Your Mama

Little Red has a flair for the dramatic.

Last night I wouldn't give him candy til he finished his dinner. He looked into my eyes with the most pathetic look on his face and said, "Mommy, you dust bwoke my heart."

Seriously, where does he come up with this stuff?

Best Friends Foreva!

Little Red now has a bestie! He has been mentioning Gabe, his friend from school very regularly. Yesterday he told me that Gabe is now his "best fwiend". Until yesterday I've always been his "best fweind" (most of the time). Tear. Guess he is outgrowing me.

Last night we were doctoring one of LR's (many) boo-boos. I put some medicine and a Transformer band aid on it and LR was all set. A few minutes later he came back and told me he needed the medicine to take to school. I'm certain my face showed a look of confusion because he promptly said, "I need it to fix Gabe's boo-boo on his knee. I can make it aw better." Be still my heart. Y'all, I nearly melted into a puddle on the floor. My little tough boy totally has a soft side. Don't tell his daddy!

His Name Is Mud...

In true almost 3 year old boy fashion, Little Red went rolling in a rather large mud puddle at school yesterday. Seriously. His teacher said she couldn't tell who he was because he was totally covered from head to toe. That's my boy! He actually had to have a bath at daycare. I've never picked him up clean before. All the teachers thought it was hilarious and LR told me that the other kids laughed at him. Shocker, I know. He says he will NOT ever do it again. I'm having trouble believing him, though. The boy does love to make a mess. The condition of my house & truck prove it. Too bad they didn't get pictures. In his defense he says he was only "spwashing awound" when he accidentally fell in. He assured me that it was not on purpose. Our convo went like this-

Me: Why in the world did you roll in a mud puddle?

LR: I not. I was spwashing all awound in the water and I fell in. It was an askident (accident) and it was scusting (disgusting).

Me: That just wasn't a good idea. You need to stay away from puddles when you are playing outside at school.

LR: I will never ever do dat again. I pwomise with aw my heart.


Somehow I doubt this is my boy's last romp in the mud, especially considering how much his daddy loves to play in it. Who am I kidding? I've been known to get a little mud on my tires, too.

Good, Clean Friday Fun

A few photos from one of my many birthday celebrations...

Just look at my sweet boys. I could eat 'em both up.

LR and his B-Bop (my daddy). Together they equal T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

He is such a loving little thang (when I can get him to slow down for 2 seconds). I'll be so sad when he becomes too cool to kiss on his mama.

Happy Easter, Y'all!

Friday My Way

"Week Of Me" has officially started! It's Friday and I am in the mood to laugh!
What's better than man jokes?

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. How on earth do you manage to breath through THAT?!!

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

I don't care who you are, that's funny (unless you are a man).

A good one from my bestie, Keke~

What did the fish say when he hit a brick wall?

"Oh' dam."

And my personal favorite-
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to pass gas. The music is really loud, so you time your gas with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you realize, you have been listening to your ipod.

Bwahahahaha!
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Gotta have some Little Red humor~

We were driving along yesterday when Kid Rock's "All Summer Long" came on the radio. Little Red got really excited and proclaimed, "Mommy, dat is MY song!" Seriously, does "his" song have to be about drinkin' whiskey outta the bottle and makin' love by the lake? Don't get me wrong, that sounds like a blast to me, but for my almost 3 year old, notsomuch.

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Tonight my bestie, Keke, will arrive to help me celebrate. I'm beyond excited! Tomorrow will be jam packed with shopping fun. Looks like the rain will move out in time for my pedicured piggies to make their debut for dinner at The Melting Pot!

Fondue + Friends + Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka = FUN FO SHO

See ya Monday!

In The Auto Zone

Hi, y'all! Yep, that's me today, all gussied up for another fun filled day of work. My dress is cute, don't ya think? I bought it last year for less than $30 at TJ Maxx. I looked all over the Internet for a picture, so I wouldn't have to take one. That was a no go, so here I am.



After I got dressed this morning, Little Red and I had this convo-

LR: Mommy, I wuv your dress!

Me: Aw, thanks buddy. I like it, too.

LR: Yep, I wuv it cause it has tires on it.

Me: You are such a boy.





He likes my dress because it has auto parts on it? Seriously, how can he even be my kid? Wonder if this dress will have a similar effect on Mr. Sass... The man does love tires.

Maybe Baby

Little Red is totally cracking me up these days. Our convo yesterday afternoon went something like this-

LR: Do you have a surprise (snack, candy, toy, etc.) for me?

Me: Maybe

LR: Don't say maybe. Say yes.

He's a bossy little thang. Luckily I had a treat stashed away for him. I can't imagine how much trouble I'd have been in otherwise.

Sam I Am

Last night, we went to Sam's to stock up on some goods and to eat dinner with Mr. Sass. That's how we roll. You just can't beat their pizza combo dealio. On the way I was getting Little Red all excited. Our convo went something like this:

Me: Guess where we are going...

LR: Where?

Me: We are going to Sam's to shop & eat! It will be sooooo fun.

LR: Oh, ok.

Me: Are you excited?(trying to pump him up)

LR: Yep, Sam is my fwiend.

So, the buggies at Sam's have spots for 2 kiddos to sit. Who is brave enough to take 2 kids to Sam's? Not me. Little Red insisted upon sitting on the right side. He proceeded to tell us that his fwiend Sam was going to sit in the other spot.

I didn't have the heart to tell him that Sam's was a place and not a person. He looked for his "fwiend" all over the store. He finally decided that Sam must not have been there. He made me promise that we would go back again. Am I a bad mom for not telling him that his "fwiend" Sam doesn't really exist and for using it to my advantage? He hasn't been that good while shopping, well ever.

Does anyone have a kid named Sam that I can borrow?

Think Pink

Little Red has recently (like yesterday) decided that pink is for girls. Who taught him this? My money is on Mr. Sass, but he's not 'fessin up. Keep in mind, I've never dressed him in pink or anything, but he has never had a problem with pink candy or food or lip gloss or nail polish. I'm just saying.

Last night when I presented his fab dinner of a hot dog and chips- don't judge me we are trying to get moved here- he said, with a totally disgusted look on his face, "Mommy I can not eat dat. I jest don't wike pink." Little Red, say what? I asked why and he responded with, "Pink is jest for gulls." I was taken aback and totally unprepared. I looked at him like he was crazy and then proceeded to roll the dog in ketchup. He promptly gobbled it up. Problem solved. Until he asked for juice. All I had was cran-apple. He picked milk instead. Score! Looks like I really am the pink in a house of blue. LR becomes more boyish every day.


Note to self:
To keep Little Red out of my stuff, all I have to do is buy it in pink or put it in a pink box or put a pink sticker on it. This will totally be used to my advantage. I see lots of pink stuff in my future.