I Got Jokes

This cracks me up...

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to pass gass. The music is really loud, so you time your gas with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you realize, you have been listening to your ipod.


Bwahahahaha! Now, that's funny- I don't care who you are. I guess all the boys in my hizzie are rubbing off on me and 8th grade potty humor is cracking me up. Either that or its Friday and I'm delirious. Happy Weekend, y'all!

The First Step...

is admitting you have a problem.

The second step is getting your fix for free!
Click here to get a coupon for free Diet Dr. Pepper.

Thanks BABIESANDBARGAINS!

This Stinks.

Ok, so this has been a rough week to be the pink in my house of blue. Mr. Sass seriously made my list today. All week he has been taking Little Red to the sitters because he has been off work. He starts his new, very awesome job on Monday, which means he will be working a zillion hours a week and won't have time to help with pick-up, drop-off or anything else ever again. I might be being a tad dramatic here, but I digress...

Apparently he thought that at some point in the night he had telepathically informed me that I was supposed to drop LR off because he had a side job to do. So, obviously I didn't get the message. As I was walking out the door, he began pitching a 5 year-old style fit. He was pouting, whining and all out annoying the bajeezus out of me. I eventually packed Little Red up and hauled him to the sitter myself. You may think I'm weak, but honestly I just didn't want to listen to the whining. I mean I get enough whining from the 2 year old kid. The 32 year old kid needs to grow up. Stat.

It wasn't long before Mr. Sass called me to semi apologize. He said (under his breath) "Sorry about this morning." He went on to tell me that if it was any consolation, he forgot to put on his deodorant. I lauged on the inside. I sure hope he enjoys the aroma of his disgusting man stench while working in a house that is hotter than Beyonce's newest video. Karma's a witch!

Boys And Their Silly Toys

Little Red is totally into playing with his boy toys. From the time we get home until he goes to bed, he is a lean mean playing machine. His current favorite toys are his plastic army men that he lovingly calls I Joes. He absolutely loves those el cheapo toys that make me want to curse every time I step on one, which is way too often. He spends tons of time setting them up for battle. Then he uses his dragon, monster truck or baseball bat to destroy them while roaring with laughter. He does this over and over. He always wants me to play with him. Problem is I have no idea how to play these silly boy games.

Seriously y'all, I'm a Barbie girl in a smell boy world. I have no desire to build army forts or shoot down enemy planes. I just sit there and watch him play in astonishment not knowing what to do. I just don't understand these silly boy games and honestly I don't want to. When he gets ready to play house, dolls or dress up, I'm his girl. I can even handle sports, no problemo. I'm telling ya, I've got a mean fast ball, an impressive jump shot and can take Mr. Sass at soccer any day of the week. I'll even jeep ride in the muddiest and coldest of conditions with a lip glossed smile plastered on my face, but I'm drawing the line at guns, swords and I Joes. A girl has to have limits. I'm just saying.

Bon Appetite

I cooked a very yummy dinner last night. We had pork tenderloin, green beans, carrots and mac & cheese. I must say it was delish. Mr. Sass cleaned it up which actually made it even better. I so hate cleaning. Plus, I put hearty veggie soup in the crock pot for dinner, so no cooking tonight. I am so excited I can't stand it. Please say a little prayer that it doesn't all burn up and turn to mush as I have the worst crock pot luck evah. Seriously, crock pots are supposed to make life easier. Uh-oh, now I'm doubting whether dinner will be edible at all. Guess I better come up with a plan B- pizza sounds good.

Little Red really enjoyed my home-cookin' too, except for the carrots. He promptly proclaimed that they are "wabbit food." I was taken aback for a second. Although, I'm not sure why anything that comes out of his mouth shocks me anymore. After all, he dropped the f bomb at my parents house. Kill me now. Seriously, if you know my parents you totally understand.

Useless Information

So, I was tagged on Facebook and thought I'd post my list here, too.

1. I am missing 4 permanent teeth. It's hereditary- Thanks, Dad!
2. I went to 2 elementary schools, 2 middle schools & 2 high schools. We moved alot. Thanks again, Dad!
3. I was named after a little old lady named Cassie.
4. I have lost 40 pounds over the past year.
5. I graduated from the University of Alabama with a BA in Advertising.
6. I met my husband in an airport bar on the way to a wedding in Vegas. Who said you can't meet your soul mate in a bar?
7. I am a retired gymnast and cheerleader. I was pretty good at it.
8. I love jeep riding in the mud.
9. I am the oldest and shortest of 3 girls.
10. I have an almost 3 year old red headed little boy named Ramsey.
11. The beach is my most favorite place on earth.
12. I love hot tamales (the candy) and Diet Dr. Pepper.
13. I am totally done having babies. I think.
14. I love clothes from Ann Taylor Loft and J. Crew.
15. I was an exhibitionist kick boxer in high school.
16. I love country music.
17. I was an extra in the movie Rustin. I doubt you've heard of it. It was a flop, but Meatloaf, Zachary Ty Bryan & Chrissie from Growing Pains starred in it.
18. I love celebrity gossip.
19. I used to kick butt at inline hockey with all the boys when i was younger.
20. I can't see to drive at night without my glasses.
21. I get annoyed at stupid people.
22. I love to cook but hate to clean.
23. I played almost every team sport imaginable as a child.
24. I am seriously competitive.
25. I have major car anxiety- only when other people drive.

Word Up

I have always been a firm believer in words of affirmation. Maybe because I lurve hearing how great I am- Just ask Mr. Sass. I have constantly used this technique on Little Red and he has now started using it on me. He's a smart one! We have had several convos that have left me thinking where does this kid come up with this stuff.?.?.?

On Tuesday-

SC: Little Red, Today is Daddy's Birthday. We are going to make him a cake. What kind do you think he would like(hoping he would say chocolate)?

LR: Daddy wants a monster truck cake.

SC: (wondering how I am going to pull this one off in less than 2 hours) Sure, buddy. Daddy would love a monster truck cake. We can put green icing on top for grass, then use chocolate for the road. Can we use some of your monster trucks and trees to decorate it?

LR: Mommy, dat is a gwate idea! You're so smart.


On Wednesday-

LR: Mommy, I'm thirsty. I need juice. And candy. Fast.

SC: Just a second and I will get it. Ok, here ya go.

LR: Good job, Mommy! You're da best.


Last Night-

LR: Mommy, help me. I can't get my jammies on.

SC: Sure thing, kiddo. There ya go. Aw, don't you look cute.

LR: Mommy, you're so cute, too and you're funny. Mommy's a funny girl.


I'm pretty sure I know where he came up with all of this. I may have helped put some of those thoughts in his cute little head. It is just so funny to hear him say such nice things to me all on his own. He sure knows the way to this mama's heart. Guess I better enjoy it now. I am sure all of this will come to an end in a few years and he won't want anything to do with me. Sigh.

The Biggest Loser...

December 2007

March 2008

July 2008

November 2008
December 2008

Yep, that's me. I have lost 40+ pounds since December of '07. Thought you might like to see some before and afters. I am trying to stay motivated, so feel free to compliment me and tell me how skinny I look. I feel fab and love the way my new clothes are fitting. The only thing I regret is not getting my butt in gear sooner. I am finally back at my pre-preggo weight (almost 3 years later). Better late than never.

Oh, Happy Day!

Just wanted to report that I have had the funk since Sunday. I am currently getting over strep throat and an ear infection. Thank goodness Mr. Sass has been around to handle the household duties as I have been utterly useless. I am back at work (physically) today, though I doubt I will accomplish much since my head feels like it could explode at any moment.

On a happier note, today is Mr. Sass's 32nd Birthday. I just have to say he is the best. Aside from taking care of me for the past 2 days, doing all the laundry, cooking and keeping up with Little Red, he is my best friend and the most wonderful father ever. I am hoping he won't mind delaying his celebration until this weekend when I am feeling better.

Honey, I love you and appreciate you more than you know!

By the way, I will always be younger than you!

This Bites!

We got in! Little Red has been on a daycare waiting list for what seems like forevah (more like a year and a half). Apparently a good daycare is harder to get into than college.

LR has been going to his current babysitter for almost a year. She keeps him in her home. It is quite convenient, I must say. She lives less than 2 miles from us and has always been willing to keep him late and meet me at the doctor to pick him up from appointments, so I can get back to work. Every thing has been just peachy. Lately, LR has been asking to "go pway wiff his friends" and has told me that he is "weady to go to school." I am guessing he is just bored? I mean, how can an almost 3 year old already be ready to go to school? The sitter has a one year old little girl, but doesn't keep any other kids, so he doesn't get alot of social interaction. She has also mentioned the possibility of going back to work at some point and I have this overwhelming fear that she is going to call one day and tell me she can't keep LR anymore because she is starting work the next day. Seriously- I have nightmares about this!

Background story-
LR started daycare when he was 6 weeks old. We had no problems and it was a surprisingly easy transition. When he turned one, we switched to a larger church daycare where his biting problem emerged. He continued to bite until he was asked to leave. We then found another daycare that was certain they could break the biting habit. Yeah, right! A few months later, the problem had gotten worse and he was asked to leave once again. Yep, my sweet little angel was kicked out of not one, but two daycares for biting. This was not from lack of trying at home. Mr. Sass and I tried everything to stop it: books, movies, soap, vinegar, hot sauce, biting back, etc. Now, don't get your panties in a wad- we were totally desperate and besides, none of it even phased him. He now loves hot sauce & vinegar and I am pretty sure he isn't scarred for life. I read every book and website I could get my hands on. I continuously drove his pediatrician crazy. I kept getting the same answer. "He will grow out of it." I heard that so many times that I wanted to puke. As a final resort I found our current sitter and the biting problem stopped quickly.

Wow, just thinking back on it makes me nauseated. I used to feel like a kid going to the principals office when I picked him up each day, wondering whether or not I was going to get in trouble for his biting habit. Being the parent of a biter is horrible. I really think a Biter's Anonymous group should be formed. The biting now seems to be behind us. LR is finally old enough to know better and is much easier to discipline.

Back to the present-
So, I know he needs more social interaction and this daycare has a 3 year old preschool program, but what if I give up my sitter and start him in daycare and he hates it? He isn't used to alot of structure and schedules and I just don't know how he will respond. Where is the crystal ball when you need one?

Being a mom is so tough! I can only imagine what else I will have to deal with before he turns 18.

Take Note

Dear Little Red,

Son, I love you dearly. I really do. I miss you something fierce while I am working all daggum day. I so look forward to picking you up and kissing you all over your sweet little cheeks, but while I am cooking dinner I really just don't need your help.

You can play with toys, watch a movie or color a picture. Seriously, don't worry about me, I've got it all under control (sort of). You should just chill and be a little boy and do fun stuff. I am seriously concerned for your well-being. This week alone you have almost burned your hand on the stove, smushed your finger with the can-opener and been nearly stepped on multiple times. It just isn't safe, kiddo. As Daddy will tell you, being in the kitchen with me is dangerous to begin with, but these days I am throwing together super quick meals at break neck speed and I am afraid for your health and my sanity.

The day will come when you will do all the chores you can handle and I will be glad for you to cook me dinner any night, but for now I can handle it myself, thanks. The more in my way you are the longer it takes me to cook, which takes away from our play time.

Hugs & Smooches!

Love, Mommy

P.S. It would also be ok if you stopped coming to the bathroom with me every time I have to go.

Modern Inconveniences

So, the keyless entry for my Yukon is not working and I will admit it is a total inconvenience. Yesterday, Little Red wanted to unlock the truck door all by himself- he is trying to be oh so independent these days. I handed him the keys to see what he would do. He began pushing the unlock button with no results. He looked at me in total disbelief and said, "It won't not work." I looked at him with a totally serious expression and said, "What are we going to do?" He was quiet for a second before replying with. "Call Daddy?" In my best "girls can do anything boys can do way," I showed him that you can in fact unlock a car door with a key. GASP! You would have thought I had pulled a quarter out of his ear or made a rabbit disappear. It is amazing how far technology has brought us and how much we rely on it. When its not available it seems to send people, especially techie kids into a tailspin.

This incident reminds me of one of my most favorite stories evah! Sorry B, you knew I had to go there eventually. My little little sis is 18 years old. After Mr. Sass and I got married we moved into a very cute, very small, very old house. It didn't have a dishwasher or garbage disposal. I wasn't totally stoked about this, but I was totally excited about having my very first house, so I was able to overlook a few small details. My wonderful sisters and parents helped us move in. As B, who was 15 at the time, was unloading dishes she asked if I wanted to wash them before putting them away. I told her yes and she began looking around. After a few minutes she asked where the dishwasher was. I told her there wasn't one. With a look of total disbelief she said, "Well then how are you going to wash the dishes?" We all had a long laugh at her expense. She was totally serious and was quite offended that I thought she was going to hand wash the dishes.

Chill Out

What a wonderfully boring weekend. We did nothing, nada, zilch. Seriously this was the first weekend in a very long time that we didn't have plans. We watched movies, actually we watched Bee Movie over and over, which didn't even bother me that much. Shocker- I know. We played with tons of toys, which are now scattered throughout my house in tornado like fashion. We napped, ate and all out relaxed. I did manage to clean the bathrooms- I'm talking tooth brush scrubbing, serious elbow grease action, here people, followed immediatley by a nap. I also tackled the mountain of laundry with a vengeance, followed by another nap.

I caught up on my rest and feel like a million bucks, ok maybe just a half a mil, but who is counting? It is going to be a great week, even though it is cold outside. Who opened the Arctic freezer? We have made it through winter so far with temps barely reaching freezing. It was 70 degrees on Christmas Day. This week they are predicting the coldest temps here in many years. Wind chills could be below zero on Thursday. That is brutally cold for Alabama, y'all. Wouldn't ya know we have a wedding extravaganza to go to this weekend. I'm thinking my cocktail dress and strappy shoes aren't gonna work in 15 degree weather. The wedding is in town, but we will be hoteling it for the whole weekend. LR will be with GG and BBop as this event is adults only. I am so pumped that I get to hang with all my out of town peeps without having to clean my house. Normally, my crib is the hotel of choice for the outta towners, but not this time. For those of you that don't know, I lurve me some hotels with a serious passion. There is just something so magical about a place that I don't have to clean. Plus, room service is a major perk. I'm just saying.

Hope everyone stays warm this week. Throw another log on the fire!

The Christmas That Wouldn't End

The day after Christmas we headed South to spend a few days with Mr. Sass's family. We got to spend some much needed time with Little Red's sister, Miss Sassypants. They had tons of fun playing with his new Elmo kitchen...

He even let her drive his jeep...

He sure does love his big sissy!

Uncle C entertained Little Red while we got dinner ready. They had so much fun.

And yes, he is wearing shorts and a t-shirt. It was 70+ degrees in South Alabama!

Finally it was time to open more presents. Little Red opened his first gift- a set of golf clubs- and had no desire to open another package. He actually cried when we tried to get him to open something else. He was just so overwhelmed by all the toys- keep in mind this was our 5th gift opening session- the kid isn't spoiled, I swear! We opened the rest of the gifts for him. I sure hope Mr. Sass's family wasn't offended. I promise he loves playing with all the lovely gifts yall gave him!

No Good Very Bad Day

So, Little Red had a no good very bad day at the sitter's yesterday. He called me to tell me his tummy hurt and he wanted to go home to his very own house. My heart broke into a bazillion pieces. I worked straight through lunch, so I could leave work early and drove way faster than I should have to get to him, stat! When we got home I gave him a big hug and asked if he had a bad day. He got this horrible, insulted look on his face and said, "No mommy, I'm not a bad boy." I immediately hugged him again and tried to explain that of course he is a good boy, he just had a rotten day. I think he finally understood and he responded with, "No go to work tomorrow, Mommy." My heart broke once again as I hugged him as tightly as possible all the while thinking that in this economy he could easily get his wish.

Christmas with the Sass Family

So, did yall know that I have 2 little boys? Yep, that's right Little Red is not the only kid at the Sass House. Mr. Sass is just as much a little boy as LR is and these photos from Christmas morning at our house prove it. I am so out of my league with all of these boy toys. Who knew a bag of $10 army men would be LRs favorite thing? Mr. Sass, that's who.

Here is our living room on Christmas morn, minus the jeep. We were concerned that LR wouldn't play with any other toys after he saw it.

Those army men were a total hit.

He loved the race track that I was certain he was too young for.

And then there was the jeep...

Finally Mama got to open a gift or too- with help of course!

Too cute for words...

And the wieners are...

So, I got an award. I just can't believe it. It is called the Lemonade award, but that is a tad too sweet for me and not quite sassy enough, so I am calling it the "Lemonade with a splash of sweet tea vodka Award". Misadventerous Mommy over at My Mommy Said has bestowed this upon me and I am oh so grateful! Drum roll, puhleaze-

1. This Mommas Musings- because Anniebannanie is so stinking funny and I lurve her sense of humor.

2. Hoemade With Love- my bff Keke is new to the blogging world, but her ideas are fab. She always amazes me, plus she keeps me sane. Love your, girl.

3. Cancer Sucks even with Lillly Pulitzer on your side- This blog is fresh and preppy. She is an inspiration to me.

4. Our Daily Blessing....Life- If anyone deserves an award it is Amy. She is battling cancer and taking care of her son, who has numerous health issues, plus she is a Bama fan. 'Nuff said. Her blog is honest and real and I don't know how she does it all.

5. Babies and Bargains- I want to be her when I grow up. She knows about all the best deals and is organized beyond anything I can imagine.

Randomness

Just wanted to let yall know that I have been MIA because I have been on jury duty. I am now playing catch up at work and at home. I promise I will post details, photos and recipes from my fabulous fondue party, our jeep ride and Christmas ASAP!

I am so excited that I have received my first blog award and will be spreading the love very soon!

Party Like It's 2009!

The fondue was fab and the jeep riding was rockin' (more on both later) and now I am totally exhausted. So, TGIF! Tonight Bama plays Utah in the Sugar Bowl. We will have a house full. It will be oh so fun- as long as we win, of course. Roll Tide!

Have I mentioned that I hate the BCS? It is totally flawed. WE. NEED. PLAYOFFS. It won't stop me from watching, though!

Can't wait to see Little Red and Miss Sassypants tonight. I have really missed them. LR called me from GGs yesterday to tell me he wanted to go to the beach. Like right then. He cried when I told him we are going in May. He must take after his mama! I am always ready to head south for sand and sun. Hopefully I can hold him off til May...or we may have to do a weekender before then. Hmmmm, that sounds like a great idea. I'll have to let LR mention it to Mr. Sass- People, it is hard to tell that little red head blue eyed cutie no.